Pieces to the Puzzle: The Doors

It is still work-in-progress for me, step by step.

After a visit to the neurologist’s office for a test today, I was back to the beginning of my recovery a year ago. How could that happen? After half an hour of a computer based test that was easy for me content wise, I was dizzy, nauseated, developed a headache, and once again could not look at a computer screen. Welcome back to March of 2008!

I had to find the way into Today. What could possibly pull ME back there? I thought there is no way back… Wait a second: the ways… the doorways!

Maybe I am not such a good learner after all. How could I forget – after so many instances – that every time I leave a situation, it takes a door to be properly shut behind to ensure all my aspects stay with ME. How many of those doors I had closed lately? How many times I rejoiced in my wholeness afterwards? Learning, still.

I spent half a day on physical recovery. I was better by midnight, and I had to postpone my writing. In short, I had to open my eyes to see what doors still stay open. And I was arrogant enough to think I live with my eyes open!

Those hours, recovering, I also spent with Kleenex in my hand. Do you know how much liquid can human eyes produce??? Erratum: woman’s eyes.

One by one, I checked that all the doors that supposed to be shut stayed that way. I also knew that I do not need to check on every single loss, adversity, or betrayal to be sealed out of my being. The same was true about happy memories: no matter how great it was, I can no longer live my past; it is gone.

Letting go of all that is not a piece of this moment, I felt more and more complete. With that, my feminine part gained power in Her voice – and Her heart… What do I do now?

I’ll live another day. And though it feels like Little Mermaid’s newly obtained legs, I dance. It worth the pain, and I am happy – in spite of an unexpected gust of wind that slammed a wide-open window to eternity at my face. I am learning to love myself – my whole new balanced self.

And only now all the doors of opportunities will magically open, for I am ready to accept the miracles humbly, without proposing any wanting or needing. I know better now.