Choosing from The Heart

We can either talk, or listen. I’ve been listening a lot lately; hence, no writing. I’ve been also living fully - like never before. By contrast, we learn. By choices, we live.

I had been a very busy woman for a long time. Too long, perhaps, for the car crash one year ago caught me at the lowest level of life energy I’d ever had. I was exhausted beyond measure.

It looked fine on the outside though: brilliant carreer, doctoral dissertation defense within reach, good start in marketing business, impressive martial arts accomplishments, beautiful house in a desirable area, great kids, prominent husband, good friends, multiple hobbies: skiing, rollerblading, music, art, reading… I actually did fit ALL of it not only in to my life, but in its every day. How did I do that? That is not the question. Look where it led me to, and look closely.

I am immortal. But it had not become my reality until I assumed the truth.

I was very confused after the accident. I could remember headlights of two cars racing each other appearing before my eyes out of nowhere. It was an instant death. I saw the roof of our family minivan and those cars driving away, dissolving. All I noticed, that a license plate on one of them was out of state. I remembered the letters and numbers.

And yet, my memory did not conform to the post-accident reality at all.

I was alive after all, and the kids were perfectly fine.

The car was totaled, all right. However, it was not my side but the passenger’s side that was completely crashed: squashed in. Yet, my husband who sat there was perfectly fine. Waking up from a deep sleep of a man who certainly deserved a drink after a week of hard work, he could not understand why in the world our airbags were out. He only had one scratch. It appeared on the left side of his left leg… I could not solve the puzzle.

Other pieces included my symptoms of a severe concussion, with which I spent in bed almost a month. It took almost a year though to let go of debilitating headaches. And it was not about time after all. The pain never fails to return when I am back to where I was mind wise before. It takes conscious choices now to stay centered within to be well. But back then…

Last but not least, there was nothing there the car hit. There was a tree with a small part of its bark missing, shaved off by the moving car. And that was all. The right front wheel was knocked off after hitting a side curb, and standing perpendicular to the road with both back wheels still on it, there we were when police arrived two minutes later. It was four on a Sunday morning.

In all its weirdness, the event screamed at me that there is something to understand. Though it took me months, I finally realized that I had to consciously choose my immortality to live.

And that is what I do now.

To those used to my unbelievable productivity driven by a never-at-rest sense of responsibility it looks strange, to say the least. What is it that she does nowadays? Ought to be bored!

Now, when I have your attention, listen: life is not what others think suits you best. What’s new? New to me is that I actually live it. And it is not boring at all.

Every day something new happens – just as I am thinking nothing more interesting than has already happened could be…

February 26, 2009
Curaçao, Day 2

I cannot believe how much one can fit in just one day. I was awakened at six in a morning by a thud: something dropped on the floor.

“I need to start writing!” I realized. There is so much in a day that it needs to be put on paper before I am too far from it.

Layers and layers of new things are coming to my life as I shed old beliefs and habits, one by one. At the same time, it is happening so fast that I can easily see how accomplishments of just one day can take ages to occur in one’s life. And I know that the main reason for that is that the planet is truly different now: It is enlightened with true love, the True Love of Gods.

You ask me how I am going to entitle my book. I need not to think about it, for I trust perfect words would come in perfect time.

I have no voice today. So, all I can do to produce words is to use a pen. But I have so much to say about where I am today because of a journey I undertook yesterday. The only question is: Where to start?

Pretentious... Have you noticed how pretentious our world has become? No, not by itself, of course, but with a lot of help of ours. I did not realize to what extend until I started to shed it step by step, layer by layer. The results are astonishing indeed. As I clear my own space, the world is changing so rapidly and beautifully that I know just what to do next at every moment. That is called trust, and all it takes is to stay true to one self at every moment.

All it takes…

I have been working with trust big time yesterday. It is rather interesting since I’ve been working with it closely for the past few months. I thought I am nearly done; I am in complete trust with self, nothing left to clear. Ha!

So, where do I start? I started with a shower. And there it was, in perfect words:

My Life: A Love Story

It often takes me a shower to take to find perfect words… And so, another day of my life – and the writing of my story – has begun.

The moment I put that period on paper, the rising sun touched it too. I am sitting outside, with the birds flapping their wings in the garden, and my heart is flapping its wings in appreciation of the harmony and beauty of the perfection of the world I live in.

* * *

What’s next? I do not know. All I know today that I am here to stay; I made my choice a year ago.

I am to stay true to my self; I am to stay in my heart; I am to choose from The Heart.

It is Curaçao that opened the book of my life. In Curaçao, I am staying.