It’s been two days with Jim Self, two wonderful days, days filled with wonders. We are learning a lot, and, most importantly, we are doing a lot.
Jim is right: often, you come home from a seminar, all excited, in anticipation for the changes in your life… and by mid-day Monday you do not even remember you did something special this past weekend! You never look at your notes, and life “safely” goes back to the swamp it used to be.
This weekend is different, very different indeed. We are not only learning concepts through understanding, we are applying everything right away. We feel what it is, and how it works for each of us.
After the class today, I came to my room and said to the reflection in a mirror, “Hi, stranger! Who Are You?” I liked what I saw. I actually loved that whom I saw. Would not you call it the biggest miracle in life? You should, for it most certainly is.
The cornerstone of today’s play was bringing together into a balance our Feminine and Masculine aspects. It was quite an adventure.
My favorite part was bringing strength of the Feminine to my being. I realized that I was afraid – it simply did not seem to be practical – to be a Woman, because my feminine side was lacking the strength. So, I had chosen to be strong – as a man. Consequences? Many, and not too pleasant. But maybe I survived because of that? So, I was grateful to my experiences. And, effortlessly, I let go of the old, to become a new and truly balanced ME. Feels good!
And my computer is back after showing a blue screen with a message about hardware failure since last night. We moved a lot.
Thank you, Jim!
March 28, 2009, Saturday, 6:39 p.m.
Burlington, MA
P.S. I signed up for a year-long program Mastering Alchemy with Jim that starts the first week of May. I know exactly what to expect from this program, and I know that no expectations can possibly match to what we are going to create.
More information about this program, as well as free downloadable materials with very simple and extremely practical tools, is available at
---------------------------
www.MasteringAlchemy.com
---------------------------
Please note that this experience is certainly not for everyone: it is only for those who are willing – for some weird reason – to create and live a way of life that is truly theirs. And – oops! – there is a high risk of success!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Bliss
It is Friday, March 27th, and I am on my way to Boston for what is promising to be a powerful weekend. It is also so timely, but what’s new!
I decided to take a train, and am so grateful that a friend of mine talked me out of the idea riding a bus from NYC. What a blessing! I face almost six hours of uninterrupted time with my computer, headphones, and a notebook (yes, an old-fashioned one, with the pages of pure white paper space awaiting to accept my feelings unconditionally).
After admiring the movie of the fast-changing imagery in a window, I am back to the stillness of my new notebook from the Neue Galerie. (A reflection of that visit on March 21 is in Stepping Into Spring.) On the cover, Klimt’s Danae, a woman dressed in her beauty and wrapped in her dream and radiant orange hair, with her lips of a dazzling orange, mirrors the chasteness of the pages inside.
I am ready.
At 12:22 p.m., when the train reaches New York Penn Station, yet another Letter to Me begins to fill the pages.
“Listen to the words!” I write down as my iTunes plays a song from a CD album by UK’s Bliss entitled A Hundred Thousand Angels. I do.
While I follow the words, my thoughts are with the people who introduced me to this music. With much love in my heart, I hold the faith that they hear the true songs of their own hearts. It is not a wish; it is yet another step. And it is just one step away: accepting the Light You Are.
Say Goodbye by Bliss
Say goodbye to all you see,
To all you see with these eyes.
Say goodbye to all you’ve been,
To all your needs and desires.
Fly above the silent ocean
And to the purest star.
Feel your heart begin to break,
Become the light you are.
Fear is men enclosed in flesh
And wrapped up in a lie.
Love is all that conquers death,
It never fears to die.
Freedom dances over the threads
That try to tie her down.
Faith is humble like the one,
Who walks a step behind.
Say goodbye to all you see,
To all you’ve been and desired.
Take your place and dance the dance,
And leave this world behind.
Fly up high, the proudest eagle,
The true king of the skies.
Feel the chains begin to break,
Become the Light You Are.
----------------------------
http://www.blissfulmusic.com/
----------------------------
A friendly warning: The content of a letter below I transmitted can be a) very helpful for those who have readily available compartments to process the information, and b) extremely dangerous for a rational mind of everyone else. Proceed at your own risk.
* * *
Now the train is really moving – it is hard to write. I am advised to take a brake from catching the song’s words and to listen to my heart. I am considered “attuned” to the right frequency now, and it can be measured in words. Great!
The color I see outside of the train window is primarily orange; thus, we are talking about passion once again. Or, have we ever stopped?
The train just took a long curved turn to follow the Connecticut’s coastline. In my thirteen years on the East Coast, I have never traveled north of New York by train. We lived in New Haven, CT, but always drove down to the city. A graduate student’s family, we had time but not money, and the gas was rather inexpensive then… Memories.
I love to travel. I love to meet people and visit places, and I love the flow of words once I am detached from all the “homework”. A perfect space to listen to ME.
These past few days were not easy for me, but what’s new? :)
Well, actually, a lot.
Like in the song, I am letting go and saying good bye to a lot of accumulations of the old world. There is no way back. All the doors are closed. They are not locked; you can still pick in any time you want, for we live on the planet of free choice. However, it is my inner desire to walk forward fearlessly and to stay true to self, and that seals those doors for me.
“What is missing for you?” My husband asked this morning. “ What else do you want?”
He got the point. And I got mine.
I want nothing. I feel all my basic needs are taken care of for me – that is when I stay balanced and purposeful. Yet, there is one, still basic, physical connection that I have to allow in my life. And that is where I am stuck right now.
Here we are, back to the sacred, or relativistic, I call it, geometry. There were again those triangles today in the sky. The opposite angels in an “X” formed by clouds were narrowing, closing into a line.
Passion… How many angles does it have? I bet, none.
I guess we did something with it back in Atlantis. We altered it in some way: in a very crucial way. It caused a huge ripple through physicality, and excruciating pain that created a great fear. So, instead of bridging the Heart and the Mind [as it was intended], we cracked open a gap between the heart and the body. It was a low blow, for it was totally unexpected. No one ever thought of a possibility for the two to exist separately.
We tried to “do it right” several times… You know the result.
This is how we lost the Forgotten Kingdoms. This is how we came to lose our masculine-feminine balance. Once again, you know where it brought us.
I need a break; the information is really heavy, and I feel uneasy. It takes trust to let it through, not mentioning acceptance.
I am ready. Go ahead.
Well, there is a lot to be transferred both in words and feelings. There also will be visions as well as direct knowledge “downloads”. Telling you, since you like predictability so much. :) Or, rather, used to. And that’s better, for predictability will be something less and less attainable as we move into a new reality with a speed of Light.
A coffee break… My body is screaming for grounding!
Ready? Yes, we will give you the practical information first. As you wish.
Your dis-balance comes from your thinking that your heart and your body are in different places. They are not. When you realize that – and when you accept it – you’ll find your inner peace. Once again, silence your mind, breathe, and feel your wholeness. If you are One with everyone in your world, how could you be separated in your parts, tell us, the logical one? :)
You create your own “problems” by trying once again to choose. With a totally silent mind, tell us which of your children do you love more? Of course, it is not funny. But what does your silent mind “tells” you?
“Love is One and undividable.”
Well done! You see?
Love Is + You Are = You Are Love
It is about You and Love, or do you see other variables in this statement? It is a function, all right. There could be parameters, too. However, the essence stays the same.
While you Are in your Heart, everyone else is there as well – in the collective Heart.
How much does it contribute to the overall balance of All That Is? Immensely!!! Do you see now the importance of where you are, what you think, and what you choose to feel?
Fear not to feel, and do not filter your feelings. All of them are equally important, for they keep the balance.
And now we are as close to the Gap of Atlantis as we ever have been at the human level. Ready? Good.
Here we go: The Gap. Since the Gap of Atlantis was created (sure, unintentionally, but that is how all the terrible things were created ever since, “unintentionally”), we live in that Gap.
What does it mean for us? The nearly total lack of communication between the physical parts: the head, the heart, and the lower body. Yes, indeed, a triangle again.
Let us go directly to Passion now. You see, that is not an occurrence in a flow of life, but rather an attribute of All That Is, and as such, of the True Unconditional Love.
What does that mean to us? Simple: We Are => We Are Love => We are Passion. And you can label it as you wish or paint it any color, it does not change the picture: Passion Is.
It is time now to listen to what Jim has to say about it. Enjoy.
And relax, for there is so much more to come! Do not forget your smile :)
March 27, 2009
2:33 p.m.
Trenton, NJ – Boston, MA
I decided to take a train, and am so grateful that a friend of mine talked me out of the idea riding a bus from NYC. What a blessing! I face almost six hours of uninterrupted time with my computer, headphones, and a notebook (yes, an old-fashioned one, with the pages of pure white paper space awaiting to accept my feelings unconditionally).
After admiring the movie of the fast-changing imagery in a window, I am back to the stillness of my new notebook from the Neue Galerie. (A reflection of that visit on March 21 is in Stepping Into Spring.) On the cover, Klimt’s Danae, a woman dressed in her beauty and wrapped in her dream and radiant orange hair, with her lips of a dazzling orange, mirrors the chasteness of the pages inside.
I am ready.
At 12:22 p.m., when the train reaches New York Penn Station, yet another Letter to Me begins to fill the pages.
“Listen to the words!” I write down as my iTunes plays a song from a CD album by UK’s Bliss entitled A Hundred Thousand Angels. I do.
While I follow the words, my thoughts are with the people who introduced me to this music. With much love in my heart, I hold the faith that they hear the true songs of their own hearts. It is not a wish; it is yet another step. And it is just one step away: accepting the Light You Are.
Say Goodbye by Bliss
Say goodbye to all you see,
To all you see with these eyes.
Say goodbye to all you’ve been,
To all your needs and desires.
Fly above the silent ocean
And to the purest star.
Feel your heart begin to break,
Become the light you are.
Fear is men enclosed in flesh
And wrapped up in a lie.
Love is all that conquers death,
It never fears to die.
Freedom dances over the threads
That try to tie her down.
Faith is humble like the one,
Who walks a step behind.
Say goodbye to all you see,
To all you’ve been and desired.
Take your place and dance the dance,
And leave this world behind.
Fly up high, the proudest eagle,
The true king of the skies.
Feel the chains begin to break,
Become the Light You Are.
----------------------------
http://www.blissfulmusic.com/
----------------------------
A friendly warning: The content of a letter below I transmitted can be a) very helpful for those who have readily available compartments to process the information, and b) extremely dangerous for a rational mind of everyone else. Proceed at your own risk.
* * *
Now the train is really moving – it is hard to write. I am advised to take a brake from catching the song’s words and to listen to my heart. I am considered “attuned” to the right frequency now, and it can be measured in words. Great!
The color I see outside of the train window is primarily orange; thus, we are talking about passion once again. Or, have we ever stopped?
The train just took a long curved turn to follow the Connecticut’s coastline. In my thirteen years on the East Coast, I have never traveled north of New York by train. We lived in New Haven, CT, but always drove down to the city. A graduate student’s family, we had time but not money, and the gas was rather inexpensive then… Memories.
I love to travel. I love to meet people and visit places, and I love the flow of words once I am detached from all the “homework”. A perfect space to listen to ME.
These past few days were not easy for me, but what’s new? :)
Well, actually, a lot.
Like in the song, I am letting go and saying good bye to a lot of accumulations of the old world. There is no way back. All the doors are closed. They are not locked; you can still pick in any time you want, for we live on the planet of free choice. However, it is my inner desire to walk forward fearlessly and to stay true to self, and that seals those doors for me.
“What is missing for you?” My husband asked this morning. “ What else do you want?”
He got the point. And I got mine.
I want nothing. I feel all my basic needs are taken care of for me – that is when I stay balanced and purposeful. Yet, there is one, still basic, physical connection that I have to allow in my life. And that is where I am stuck right now.
Here we are, back to the sacred, or relativistic, I call it, geometry. There were again those triangles today in the sky. The opposite angels in an “X” formed by clouds were narrowing, closing into a line.
Passion… How many angles does it have? I bet, none.
I guess we did something with it back in Atlantis. We altered it in some way: in a very crucial way. It caused a huge ripple through physicality, and excruciating pain that created a great fear. So, instead of bridging the Heart and the Mind [as it was intended], we cracked open a gap between the heart and the body. It was a low blow, for it was totally unexpected. No one ever thought of a possibility for the two to exist separately.
We tried to “do it right” several times… You know the result.
This is how we lost the Forgotten Kingdoms. This is how we came to lose our masculine-feminine balance. Once again, you know where it brought us.
I need a break; the information is really heavy, and I feel uneasy. It takes trust to let it through, not mentioning acceptance.
I am ready. Go ahead.
Well, there is a lot to be transferred both in words and feelings. There also will be visions as well as direct knowledge “downloads”. Telling you, since you like predictability so much. :) Or, rather, used to. And that’s better, for predictability will be something less and less attainable as we move into a new reality with a speed of Light.
A coffee break… My body is screaming for grounding!
Ready? Yes, we will give you the practical information first. As you wish.
Your dis-balance comes from your thinking that your heart and your body are in different places. They are not. When you realize that – and when you accept it – you’ll find your inner peace. Once again, silence your mind, breathe, and feel your wholeness. If you are One with everyone in your world, how could you be separated in your parts, tell us, the logical one? :)
You create your own “problems” by trying once again to choose. With a totally silent mind, tell us which of your children do you love more? Of course, it is not funny. But what does your silent mind “tells” you?
“Love is One and undividable.”
Well done! You see?
Love Is + You Are = You Are Love
It is about You and Love, or do you see other variables in this statement? It is a function, all right. There could be parameters, too. However, the essence stays the same.
While you Are in your Heart, everyone else is there as well – in the collective Heart.
How much does it contribute to the overall balance of All That Is? Immensely!!! Do you see now the importance of where you are, what you think, and what you choose to feel?
Fear not to feel, and do not filter your feelings. All of them are equally important, for they keep the balance.
And now we are as close to the Gap of Atlantis as we ever have been at the human level. Ready? Good.
Here we go: The Gap. Since the Gap of Atlantis was created (sure, unintentionally, but that is how all the terrible things were created ever since, “unintentionally”), we live in that Gap.
What does it mean for us? The nearly total lack of communication between the physical parts: the head, the heart, and the lower body. Yes, indeed, a triangle again.
Let us go directly to Passion now. You see, that is not an occurrence in a flow of life, but rather an attribute of All That Is, and as such, of the True Unconditional Love.
What does that mean to us? Simple: We Are => We Are Love => We are Passion. And you can label it as you wish or paint it any color, it does not change the picture: Passion Is.
It is time now to listen to what Jim has to say about it. Enjoy.
And relax, for there is so much more to come! Do not forget your smile :)
March 27, 2009
2:33 p.m.
Trenton, NJ – Boston, MA
Thursday, March 26, 2009
New Moon
The original post is below, in Russian, and it was prompted by an article I just received from a friend of mine, Yulia. One more time, in English...
There was a connection between the content of the article and a feeling that something new and exciting is coming today, on a day of new moon. It seemed to me that after reading this article there might be one more person ready to accept that we are One; there might be one more person who would suddenly see what is that I choose to do in my life nowadays.
And when that one person joins in the conscious awareness, the whole world will lit up with one smile for all, and all the hearts will be connected in joy - the same joy and love we feel holding a newborn. Just imagine…
And so it is!
Enjoy the article…
The World's Most Unusual Therapist by Dr. Joe Vitale
http://www.mrfire.com/article-archives/new-articles/worlds-most-unusual-therapist.html
There was a connection between the content of the article and a feeling that something new and exciting is coming today, on a day of new moon. It seemed to me that after reading this article there might be one more person ready to accept that we are One; there might be one more person who would suddenly see what is that I choose to do in my life nowadays.
And when that one person joins in the conscious awareness, the whole world will lit up with one smile for all, and all the hearts will be connected in joy - the same joy and love we feel holding a newborn. Just imagine…
And so it is!
Enjoy the article…
The World's Most Unusual Therapist by Dr. Joe Vitale
http://www.mrfire.com/article-archives/new-articles/worlds-most-unusual-therapist.html
День Новолуния
Сегодня - новолуние, и ощущение чего-то нового и особенного не покидает меня с утра.
Только что получила письмо со ссылкой на статью, и с удовольствием с вами делюсь. Возможно, это и будет тем началом для кого-то, кто поймет, прочитав эту статью, чем же я все-таки занимаюсь в этой жизни. Или просто примет правду нашего бытия как одно единое целое. И тогда мы все вместе осветим Землю одной общей улыбкой, и любовь наполнит сердца, как чувствуем мы это, когда держим недавно появившегося на свет человека. Представляете?
И так оно и будет!
"Самый необычный терапевт в мире" at http://www.alfa-trening.ru/terapevt.php
P.S. Спасибо Юленьке за ссылку!
Только что получила письмо со ссылкой на статью, и с удовольствием с вами делюсь. Возможно, это и будет тем началом для кого-то, кто поймет, прочитав эту статью, чем же я все-таки занимаюсь в этой жизни. Или просто примет правду нашего бытия как одно единое целое. И тогда мы все вместе осветим Землю одной общей улыбкой, и любовь наполнит сердца, как чувствуем мы это, когда держим недавно появившегося на свет человека. Представляете?
И так оно и будет!
"Самый необычный терапевт в мире" at http://www.alfa-trening.ru/terapevt.php
P.S. Спасибо Юленьке за ссылку!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Alchemy of Life
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
-Albert Einstein
Recently, someone asked me how come I write down my communications [automated writing, no editing] in a notebook and do not read the messages right away. The answer is simple: they usually do not make much sense to me until a few weeks or months after.
Nevertheless, we can accept feedback sometimes. So, I am sharing with you my today's transmission I wrote after listening to a meditation presented by Jim Self.
By the way, I am attending Jim Self's seminar Creating The Personal Power Field this coming weekend in Boston, and it is not too late to join!
http://www.masteringalchemy.com/P1_schedule_tuition.html
-----------------------------------------------------------
Reflecting after Jim's session... Dedicated to all and every me.
The light is now green to move ahead, forward, upward into the true nature of ours. What does it mean for us? The "right" question is: What does it mean for me?
For me it means a new - completely new - chapter of my life. Yes, I will still be a human. However, I now integrated fully my "higher" aspects, and as such there is much more awareness of the purpose of life and of being in each moment at human level. The rational mind shall still play its role as a guard for safe and comfortable life. However, it no longer has a chance to overpower the heart. As such, all heart's desires will be available directly as feelings, unmistakably recognized. Meeting them will bring happiness and satisfaction with the path of life. There is no "otherwise" :)
At this point, another word of congratulations and a round of applause is in order. Enjoy our gratitude, praise, and appreciation for Who You Are now as a Human with a capital letter.
What is next? "Who knows", you know :) What is certain, that life will never be the same for you, and for the planet. What is happening right now is absolutely amazing and unspeakably beautiful.
What also is beautiful is the way you let go.
Let go even more!
Let go completely.
Simply breathe, and be aware of your Being. This is the highest form of awareness in the Cosmos; do you realize that??
Accept, allow, and enjoy!
We love you.
- All
-Albert Einstein
Recently, someone asked me how come I write down my communications [automated writing, no editing] in a notebook and do not read the messages right away. The answer is simple: they usually do not make much sense to me until a few weeks or months after.
Nevertheless, we can accept feedback sometimes. So, I am sharing with you my today's transmission I wrote after listening to a meditation presented by Jim Self.
By the way, I am attending Jim Self's seminar Creating The Personal Power Field this coming weekend in Boston, and it is not too late to join!
http://www.masteringalchemy.com/P1_schedule_tuition.html
-----------------------------------------------------------
Reflecting after Jim's session... Dedicated to all and every me.
The light is now green to move ahead, forward, upward into the true nature of ours. What does it mean for us? The "right" question is: What does it mean for me?
For me it means a new - completely new - chapter of my life. Yes, I will still be a human. However, I now integrated fully my "higher" aspects, and as such there is much more awareness of the purpose of life and of being in each moment at human level. The rational mind shall still play its role as a guard for safe and comfortable life. However, it no longer has a chance to overpower the heart. As such, all heart's desires will be available directly as feelings, unmistakably recognized. Meeting them will bring happiness and satisfaction with the path of life. There is no "otherwise" :)
At this point, another word of congratulations and a round of applause is in order. Enjoy our gratitude, praise, and appreciation for Who You Are now as a Human with a capital letter.
What is next? "Who knows", you know :) What is certain, that life will never be the same for you, and for the planet. What is happening right now is absolutely amazing and unspeakably beautiful.
What also is beautiful is the way you let go.
Let go even more!
Let go completely.
Simply breathe, and be aware of your Being. This is the highest form of awareness in the Cosmos; do you realize that??
Accept, allow, and enjoy!
We love you.
- All
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Pieces to the Puzzle: The Doors
It is still work-in-progress for me, step by step.
After a visit to the neurologist’s office for a test today, I was back to the beginning of my recovery a year ago. How could that happen? After half an hour of a computer based test that was easy for me content wise, I was dizzy, nauseated, developed a headache, and once again could not look at a computer screen. Welcome back to March of 2008!
I had to find the way into Today. What could possibly pull ME back there? I thought there is no way back… Wait a second: the ways… the doorways!
Maybe I am not such a good learner after all. How could I forget – after so many instances – that every time I leave a situation, it takes a door to be properly shut behind to ensure all my aspects stay with ME. How many of those doors I had closed lately? How many times I rejoiced in my wholeness afterwards? Learning, still.
I spent half a day on physical recovery. I was better by midnight, and I had to postpone my writing. In short, I had to open my eyes to see what doors still stay open. And I was arrogant enough to think I live with my eyes open!
Those hours, recovering, I also spent with Kleenex in my hand. Do you know how much liquid can human eyes produce??? Erratum: woman’s eyes.
One by one, I checked that all the doors that supposed to be shut stayed that way. I also knew that I do not need to check on every single loss, adversity, or betrayal to be sealed out of my being. The same was true about happy memories: no matter how great it was, I can no longer live my past; it is gone.
Letting go of all that is not a piece of this moment, I felt more and more complete. With that, my feminine part gained power in Her voice – and Her heart… What do I do now?
I’ll live another day. And though it feels like Little Mermaid’s newly obtained legs, I dance. It worth the pain, and I am happy – in spite of an unexpected gust of wind that slammed a wide-open window to eternity at my face. I am learning to love myself – my whole new balanced self.
And only now all the doors of opportunities will magically open, for I am ready to accept the miracles humbly, without proposing any wanting or needing. I know better now.
After a visit to the neurologist’s office for a test today, I was back to the beginning of my recovery a year ago. How could that happen? After half an hour of a computer based test that was easy for me content wise, I was dizzy, nauseated, developed a headache, and once again could not look at a computer screen. Welcome back to March of 2008!
I had to find the way into Today. What could possibly pull ME back there? I thought there is no way back… Wait a second: the ways… the doorways!
Maybe I am not such a good learner after all. How could I forget – after so many instances – that every time I leave a situation, it takes a door to be properly shut behind to ensure all my aspects stay with ME. How many of those doors I had closed lately? How many times I rejoiced in my wholeness afterwards? Learning, still.
I spent half a day on physical recovery. I was better by midnight, and I had to postpone my writing. In short, I had to open my eyes to see what doors still stay open. And I was arrogant enough to think I live with my eyes open!
Those hours, recovering, I also spent with Kleenex in my hand. Do you know how much liquid can human eyes produce??? Erratum: woman’s eyes.
One by one, I checked that all the doors that supposed to be shut stayed that way. I also knew that I do not need to check on every single loss, adversity, or betrayal to be sealed out of my being. The same was true about happy memories: no matter how great it was, I can no longer live my past; it is gone.
Letting go of all that is not a piece of this moment, I felt more and more complete. With that, my feminine part gained power in Her voice – and Her heart… What do I do now?
I’ll live another day. And though it feels like Little Mermaid’s newly obtained legs, I dance. It worth the pain, and I am happy – in spite of an unexpected gust of wind that slammed a wide-open window to eternity at my face. I am learning to love myself – my whole new balanced self.
And only now all the doors of opportunities will magically open, for I am ready to accept the miracles humbly, without proposing any wanting or needing. I know better now.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Pieces to the Puzzle: The Basics
I am still fascinated by the simplicity and beauty of the puzzle I watched being put together yesterday. In my desire to share it with everyone, I tried to look back at the pictures and experiences along the way. Rummaging through the pieces of the puzzle, I realized that I do not know where to start. All the fragments were flying around causing nothing but confusion.
I lowered my inner eye as to not to get dizzy with the carousel of the memories, and in an instance saw where the problem was.
I cannot begin a story from somewhere, for it starts with ME. All the pieces, no matter how exciting or magical, have no value unless I have integrated them into my space. That space is in my heart, and it is a very sacred one.
Rationally speaking, while walking trough life, we keep memories of our experiences. Those include thoughts, feelings, emotions, and, at times, physical marks. A recollection of those memories in any form keeps them alive. In doing so, we are still living in those experiences. And while with the idea of simultaneous times we live other realities in parallel though staying whole, living in a moment shared with vivid memories of the past or fantasies for future puts us in a position of a disassembled puzzle. We are literally scattered all over the time-space continuum.
I still had to catch up with the puzzle: I had to begin with ME.
After many years of working on bridging logic of science with the depth and flexibility of spiritual thinking, I was back where I started: I do not love myself unconditionally. I never accept myself fully, and I never allow my woman to be who she is. Simple. But not easy, since it requires trust. My formal education consists of mathematics and statistics, which does not include trust or feelings.
What I understand now is that trusting and allowing one’s feelings is more important in life than Fermat’s last theorem prove or even the Schrödinger equation. Seriously. Why? Because some things you cannot quantify or rationalize about, but you still feel it. You can play with you mind, but you cannot trick your physical or emotional bodies. You can, however, mistrust it. And go into pain.
From my experience, to march into something like that takes a moment, but to step out of it may take days, or even years. A choice of some sort…
But fear not, for all of us have such a wealth of experience that we can maneuver quite easily through our life by now. There is only one requirement: to stay in your heart, to stay balanced in your inner parent-adult-child relationship (I see it aligned vertically) and your inner feminine-masculine aspects (left-right balance), and to take a good care of Self.
And only now, when we have good basics for one’s life puzzle, we can look at the pieces. Let me know when you are ready.
I lowered my inner eye as to not to get dizzy with the carousel of the memories, and in an instance saw where the problem was.
I cannot begin a story from somewhere, for it starts with ME. All the pieces, no matter how exciting or magical, have no value unless I have integrated them into my space. That space is in my heart, and it is a very sacred one.
Rationally speaking, while walking trough life, we keep memories of our experiences. Those include thoughts, feelings, emotions, and, at times, physical marks. A recollection of those memories in any form keeps them alive. In doing so, we are still living in those experiences. And while with the idea of simultaneous times we live other realities in parallel though staying whole, living in a moment shared with vivid memories of the past or fantasies for future puts us in a position of a disassembled puzzle. We are literally scattered all over the time-space continuum.
I still had to catch up with the puzzle: I had to begin with ME.
After many years of working on bridging logic of science with the depth and flexibility of spiritual thinking, I was back where I started: I do not love myself unconditionally. I never accept myself fully, and I never allow my woman to be who she is. Simple. But not easy, since it requires trust. My formal education consists of mathematics and statistics, which does not include trust or feelings.
What I understand now is that trusting and allowing one’s feelings is more important in life than Fermat’s last theorem prove or even the Schrödinger equation. Seriously. Why? Because some things you cannot quantify or rationalize about, but you still feel it. You can play with you mind, but you cannot trick your physical or emotional bodies. You can, however, mistrust it. And go into pain.
From my experience, to march into something like that takes a moment, but to step out of it may take days, or even years. A choice of some sort…
But fear not, for all of us have such a wealth of experience that we can maneuver quite easily through our life by now. There is only one requirement: to stay in your heart, to stay balanced in your inner parent-adult-child relationship (I see it aligned vertically) and your inner feminine-masculine aspects (left-right balance), and to take a good care of Self.
And only now, when we have good basics for one’s life puzzle, we can look at the pieces. Let me know when you are ready.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The Puzzle
When I look at people, I see love and light.
They see a reflection that seems way too bright.
They choose to ignore it and fall into fear.
Attachment replaces then loving what’s dear.
- From The Journey
Today’s morning started in a gloom of thoughts about futility of our efforts.
“No more stoning needed, No more suffering be…” Am I naïve, or what?
I was able to listen to the last couple of minutes of Almine’s talk show yesterday. She said that we can walk on water now. Maybe we can, alright, but will we choose to?
I will most certainly not. At least, until every one realizes they can do it too. But how can they, if their pockets are weighted down by the stones ready to be thrown at those carrying too much light?
I almost accepted my role as a mirror for others. After all, each of us is a mirror for our fellow humans. And yet, I am weary to hear again and again that the reflections they see belong to me. I do not argue. I do not even attempt helping these days! I need help myself. I refuse to be stoned ever again.
Something has to change. What is it?
Once again, I see the shapes from my pictures, from yesterday’s painting, and the images I remember from my recent journeys. But this time, I see the puzzle effortlessly being solved in front of me, until…
The puzzle is solved!!!
I know now what those shapes were about!
I know what Almine referred to as an ancient mountain of power, the Sacred Mountain of the Heart, the heart chakra of the Earth.
I witnessed as the Crystal Tower of the Heart Power has fully surfaced and is firmly standing on the Floor now.
Forget everything I said in the beginning! Life worth every bit of effort, every bruise, every tear, and every heartbeat! Life is absolutely beautiful, and life is love.
Live fully, in harmony, beauty, and joy, and love fearlessly.
Espavo.
They see a reflection that seems way too bright.
They choose to ignore it and fall into fear.
Attachment replaces then loving what’s dear.
- From The Journey
Today’s morning started in a gloom of thoughts about futility of our efforts.
“No more stoning needed, No more suffering be…” Am I naïve, or what?
I was able to listen to the last couple of minutes of Almine’s talk show yesterday. She said that we can walk on water now. Maybe we can, alright, but will we choose to?
I will most certainly not. At least, until every one realizes they can do it too. But how can they, if their pockets are weighted down by the stones ready to be thrown at those carrying too much light?
I almost accepted my role as a mirror for others. After all, each of us is a mirror for our fellow humans. And yet, I am weary to hear again and again that the reflections they see belong to me. I do not argue. I do not even attempt helping these days! I need help myself. I refuse to be stoned ever again.
Something has to change. What is it?
Once again, I see the shapes from my pictures, from yesterday’s painting, and the images I remember from my recent journeys. But this time, I see the puzzle effortlessly being solved in front of me, until…
The puzzle is solved!!!
I know now what those shapes were about!
I know what Almine referred to as an ancient mountain of power, the Sacred Mountain of the Heart, the heart chakra of the Earth.
I witnessed as the Crystal Tower of the Heart Power has fully surfaced and is firmly standing on the Floor now.
Forget everything I said in the beginning! Life worth every bit of effort, every bruise, every tear, and every heartbeat! Life is absolutely beautiful, and life is love.
Live fully, in harmony, beauty, and joy, and love fearlessly.
Espavo.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Stepping into Spring
We celebrated the first full day of spring in the City today. After awakening yesterday to a snow-covered grounds while there was nothing but a promise of a warm and sunny day in the forecast, I wished for no more surprises. The spring equinox brought morose to my being, and my intention was to get over with it and step into the spring with a proudly raised head.
We went to the Neue Galerie in New York to see a recently opened BRÜCKE: The Birth of Expressionism. It was an unforgettable experience, for both the colors of the paintings and the language of our tour guide were very much in harmony with my heart. The words she used made my friend to comment that our guide must have read my website... Meanwhile, the paintings created a hundred years ago in the chill of German winters were shining at me with the colors and spirit of a tropical island. I felt at home.
At the end of her tour, the guide gave us a detailed analysis of the Gustav Klimt's legendary Adele Bloch-Bauer I. You can read a lot about this piece and the woman herself, but what suddenly became apparent to me was the Beauty. I have to admit it was the first time I really appreciated this painting. And as I looked at the portrait with an open heart, I began to see the power of the Feminine depicted there embraced by shimmering background of gold, and yet more luminous than any precious material surrounding her.
I began to see many shapes that were talking to me: I have been seeing a lot of those lately. Spirals, triangles, squares, Egyptian symbols of sacred eye, and soft lines depicting dynamic flows were in front of my eyes. And the moment I realized the many aspects I was looking at, our guide started to talk about those shapes, one by one. I was in bliss.
She mentioned that a master who made the frame for the painting was obsessed with the perfection of a square. So, he made a square frame creating, however, an adjacent one as a border under the painting. The reason? Same as was used for icons within altars: A goddess cannot stand on the floor.
I recalled reading about initiation rituals in the Temples of Isis:
The floor is the foundation upon which one stands. When we set something to be secure, we place it on the floor. So, the floor was used as a type of slang within the Temples, referring to the very basic piece that is required.
…
Essential to the female Initiate is the authentic feeling of safety and love, or appreciation at the very least. When these are in place, something within her being lets go and allows the alchemy to occur … this causes the female to open her magnetic floor. [1]
The painting is of a goddess. And it is too obvious that the woman she was never found the appreciation she deserved. She never grounded her magnetic floor.
“Was she the artist’s wife?” my friend almost asked, but instantly laughed at her own words. “But, of course, the one who lived with her had no idea who she truly was. The artist, in contrast, was able to see and reflect her true nature in his painting. Who can possibly live with a goddess, knowing?”
Her words echoed with a piercing pain. Could she be wrong?
------------------------------
Ref: [1] Kenyon, T. & Sion, J. The Magdalen Manuscript, Sounds, Boulder, CO, 2006, p. 285.
We went to the Neue Galerie in New York to see a recently opened BRÜCKE: The Birth of Expressionism. It was an unforgettable experience, for both the colors of the paintings and the language of our tour guide were very much in harmony with my heart. The words she used made my friend to comment that our guide must have read my website... Meanwhile, the paintings created a hundred years ago in the chill of German winters were shining at me with the colors and spirit of a tropical island. I felt at home.
At the end of her tour, the guide gave us a detailed analysis of the Gustav Klimt's legendary Adele Bloch-Bauer I. You can read a lot about this piece and the woman herself, but what suddenly became apparent to me was the Beauty. I have to admit it was the first time I really appreciated this painting. And as I looked at the portrait with an open heart, I began to see the power of the Feminine depicted there embraced by shimmering background of gold, and yet more luminous than any precious material surrounding her.
I began to see many shapes that were talking to me: I have been seeing a lot of those lately. Spirals, triangles, squares, Egyptian symbols of sacred eye, and soft lines depicting dynamic flows were in front of my eyes. And the moment I realized the many aspects I was looking at, our guide started to talk about those shapes, one by one. I was in bliss.
She mentioned that a master who made the frame for the painting was obsessed with the perfection of a square. So, he made a square frame creating, however, an adjacent one as a border under the painting. The reason? Same as was used for icons within altars: A goddess cannot stand on the floor.
I recalled reading about initiation rituals in the Temples of Isis:
The floor is the foundation upon which one stands. When we set something to be secure, we place it on the floor. So, the floor was used as a type of slang within the Temples, referring to the very basic piece that is required.
…
Essential to the female Initiate is the authentic feeling of safety and love, or appreciation at the very least. When these are in place, something within her being lets go and allows the alchemy to occur … this causes the female to open her magnetic floor. [1]
The painting is of a goddess. And it is too obvious that the woman she was never found the appreciation she deserved. She never grounded her magnetic floor.
“Was she the artist’s wife?” my friend almost asked, but instantly laughed at her own words. “But, of course, the one who lived with her had no idea who she truly was. The artist, in contrast, was able to see and reflect her true nature in his painting. Who can possibly live with a goddess, knowing?”
Her words echoed with a piercing pain. Could she be wrong?
------------------------------
Ref: [1] Kenyon, T. & Sion, J. The Magdalen Manuscript, Sounds, Boulder, CO, 2006, p. 285.
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Fear of Love
The greatest fear that exists... And that is not what I was planning to talk about today. On the contrary, I was going to talk about Love, for my heart was singing in joy as I learned this morning about a wonderful baby boy who was born to dear friends of mine last night. What a blessing! I know just how much he is loved here, and I know that his life is to be joyous.
And how could it happen that at the same time I witnessed the result of letting the greatest fear on this planet to guide someone’s life?
When parents let a fear for their children’s well being to be the guide, they become overly protective, pushy, and plainly suffocating for the kids. Children learn well. So, they evolve into adults who worry about their kids, as well as their parents. As a result, none of the sides can live and express themselves freely. They develop unhealthy co-dependency, a symbiosis that only appears as mutually beneficial.
The same is true about the keystone of all relationships: a relationship with oneself. Each of us is a unique symbiosis of an inner parent, inner child, and an adult. When the inner relationships are love based, one is open for personal growth by allowing experience of all the feelings, whether those bring joy and happiness, or sorrow and confusion. It is a joy to be able to feel, to be a Human. A true feeling needs not to be translated into actions of any sort. There is always an open choice as how to experience it in one's life. And when you live in your heart, you will never hurt yourself or another. You most certainly will, however, by choosing to go into a fear.
When the choice is made to reject love, it is rarely a conscious choice. The fear of love is so powerful that it literally keeps one blind. A mental list of why-I-am-better-off-without is usually created out of a need to rationalize the decision. Those “reasons” will seem as clever to the author who is in fear as they will sound foolish to you, a listener with an open heart.
An image of a triangle appeared in front of my eyes as I was reflecting on a story I became a witness today. Somehow, triangular shapes keep showing up on the pictures I was taking lately: cracks in stones, clouds in the skies, frost on the airplane window… All of those have a commonality, though; the shapes remind that of an hourglass, with no bottoms on both sides.
Prof. Robert Sternberg, a prominent psychologist and currently the Dean of Arts and Sciences at Tufts University who spent many years at Yale where I had an honor to learn a few valuable lessons from him, contributed a triangular theory of love to the field. The theory characterizes love within the context of relationships by three different components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. He theorizes that an ideal relationship - consummate love - includes all three components. He also describes six more types of love relationships when friendship, for example, occurs when only intimacy is present. The relationship created by nothing but a commitment he labels empty love. Graphically, it is represented by a triangle; hence, the name. The six different types of love are pictured at the corners and sides, with the perfect love safely secluded in the middle.
According to Sternberg's theory, our story here would be an ideal love relationship. There was a great deal of connectedness and understanding, i.e., intimacy, there was a willingness to commit despite the apparent obscurity, and there was Passion I thought existed only in literature. Wherever they went, people kept looking at them, mesmerized. It cannot be faked; it was true love.
And then, suddenly, it crushed.
It did not even produce a big bang; it just sank into something viscous and colorless. And just by observing the process, I realized a lot. (Well, no worries, we helped the people, too. They are going to be just fine, now, when the worst is behind.) Yet the case is not closed, for it is just too common in our world.
Multiple people and relationships are marching in front of me; I watch silently. An amazingly attractive woman becomes a controlling, inflexible, nearly offensive person carrying more masculine energy that she can afford. An incredibly brave and strong man all of a sudden behaves like a rabbit. A very witty person refuses to see that there has been no passion of any sort in the marital love relationship for years, and the spouse is meekly in love with the best friend. A person with unquestionable integrity, well respected by many, suddenly breaks all the promises…
Enough is enough. We know by now how to recognize the fear of love. As such, we are just a single leap from reaching the ground where we accept our feelings for what they are, where we can be true to self, where we can trust our heart. Are we ready for the leap?
For those who understand, it is the fear of love that caused Atlantis to sink for as many times as it did. Add one more, for it just sank once again after emerging as a crystal tower exactly two weeks ago. Did not last too long, this one. And I also realized what was it about Thoth, the god, who betrayed the Mother of All That Is and Isis as one of Her embodiments on Earth: that same fear of love. He was all-powerful, and yet the fear was mightier. Be aware; choose for yourself.
Today is a good day to choose. This morning, at 4:44 a.m. PT (7:44 a.m. ET), the nature started a new page. The spring equinox can be perceived as a moment of staying in balance. Why not to choose it to be a continuous state of being? Life is about balance – create it, live it, enjoy it!
And today, as we welcome a new person into our world, let’s make it a beautiful one indeed. Welcome, Max! We love you, and that love is All That Is. May you trust your heart all ways, live fully, and love fearlessly.
And how could it happen that at the same time I witnessed the result of letting the greatest fear on this planet to guide someone’s life?
When parents let a fear for their children’s well being to be the guide, they become overly protective, pushy, and plainly suffocating for the kids. Children learn well. So, they evolve into adults who worry about their kids, as well as their parents. As a result, none of the sides can live and express themselves freely. They develop unhealthy co-dependency, a symbiosis that only appears as mutually beneficial.
The same is true about the keystone of all relationships: a relationship with oneself. Each of us is a unique symbiosis of an inner parent, inner child, and an adult. When the inner relationships are love based, one is open for personal growth by allowing experience of all the feelings, whether those bring joy and happiness, or sorrow and confusion. It is a joy to be able to feel, to be a Human. A true feeling needs not to be translated into actions of any sort. There is always an open choice as how to experience it in one's life. And when you live in your heart, you will never hurt yourself or another. You most certainly will, however, by choosing to go into a fear.
When the choice is made to reject love, it is rarely a conscious choice. The fear of love is so powerful that it literally keeps one blind. A mental list of why-I-am-better-off-without is usually created out of a need to rationalize the decision. Those “reasons” will seem as clever to the author who is in fear as they will sound foolish to you, a listener with an open heart.
An image of a triangle appeared in front of my eyes as I was reflecting on a story I became a witness today. Somehow, triangular shapes keep showing up on the pictures I was taking lately: cracks in stones, clouds in the skies, frost on the airplane window… All of those have a commonality, though; the shapes remind that of an hourglass, with no bottoms on both sides.
Prof. Robert Sternberg, a prominent psychologist and currently the Dean of Arts and Sciences at Tufts University who spent many years at Yale where I had an honor to learn a few valuable lessons from him, contributed a triangular theory of love to the field. The theory characterizes love within the context of relationships by three different components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. He theorizes that an ideal relationship - consummate love - includes all three components. He also describes six more types of love relationships when friendship, for example, occurs when only intimacy is present. The relationship created by nothing but a commitment he labels empty love. Graphically, it is represented by a triangle; hence, the name. The six different types of love are pictured at the corners and sides, with the perfect love safely secluded in the middle.
According to Sternberg's theory, our story here would be an ideal love relationship. There was a great deal of connectedness and understanding, i.e., intimacy, there was a willingness to commit despite the apparent obscurity, and there was Passion I thought existed only in literature. Wherever they went, people kept looking at them, mesmerized. It cannot be faked; it was true love.
And then, suddenly, it crushed.
It did not even produce a big bang; it just sank into something viscous and colorless. And just by observing the process, I realized a lot. (Well, no worries, we helped the people, too. They are going to be just fine, now, when the worst is behind.) Yet the case is not closed, for it is just too common in our world.
Multiple people and relationships are marching in front of me; I watch silently. An amazingly attractive woman becomes a controlling, inflexible, nearly offensive person carrying more masculine energy that she can afford. An incredibly brave and strong man all of a sudden behaves like a rabbit. A very witty person refuses to see that there has been no passion of any sort in the marital love relationship for years, and the spouse is meekly in love with the best friend. A person with unquestionable integrity, well respected by many, suddenly breaks all the promises…
Enough is enough. We know by now how to recognize the fear of love. As such, we are just a single leap from reaching the ground where we accept our feelings for what they are, where we can be true to self, where we can trust our heart. Are we ready for the leap?
For those who understand, it is the fear of love that caused Atlantis to sink for as many times as it did. Add one more, for it just sank once again after emerging as a crystal tower exactly two weeks ago. Did not last too long, this one. And I also realized what was it about Thoth, the god, who betrayed the Mother of All That Is and Isis as one of Her embodiments on Earth: that same fear of love. He was all-powerful, and yet the fear was mightier. Be aware; choose for yourself.
Today is a good day to choose. This morning, at 4:44 a.m. PT (7:44 a.m. ET), the nature started a new page. The spring equinox can be perceived as a moment of staying in balance. Why not to choose it to be a continuous state of being? Life is about balance – create it, live it, enjoy it!
And today, as we welcome a new person into our world, let’s make it a beautiful one indeed. Welcome, Max! We love you, and that love is All That Is. May you trust your heart all ways, live fully, and love fearlessly.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Otto e mezzo: 8 1/2
If you think Fellini was weird, think again. No fantasy or a piece of surrealism can be as amazing as life itself. Do you need a proof? I am currently working on it. Meanwhile, I am offering you to watch an 8 1/2-minute video that a friend sent to me yesterday.
With a foreword by Lee Carroll, the Kryon channel, the video talks about unusually gifted children. There is no need to discuss it a priori, for you can simply watch it. Listen to the end, where a girl talks about connecting through the collective heart - my favorite theme!
There is only one comment I would like to bring about the context, and that is labeling those kids as Indigo. While there are people who share common features of what we call Indigos, the so-called in the video Quantum Kids are not Indigos. I think those are Rainbow kids, and the best way I can describe them using my intuition would be as true Masters and Teachers. Get ready, for truly wondrous times are awaiting ahead!
http://www.kryon.com/quantumvideo.html
Enjoy!
With a foreword by Lee Carroll, the Kryon channel, the video talks about unusually gifted children. There is no need to discuss it a priori, for you can simply watch it. Listen to the end, where a girl talks about connecting through the collective heart - my favorite theme!
There is only one comment I would like to bring about the context, and that is labeling those kids as Indigo. While there are people who share common features of what we call Indigos, the so-called in the video Quantum Kids are not Indigos. I think those are Rainbow kids, and the best way I can describe them using my intuition would be as true Masters and Teachers. Get ready, for truly wondrous times are awaiting ahead!
http://www.kryon.com/quantumvideo.html
Enjoy!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sophie's Choice
It is easy to tell where I currently am by the amount of writing I create. Happily reunited with the kids, I am up to my ears in the daily routines. Do I really have to choose between my kids and ME? Is there such "choice"?
We've been talking about choices a lot lately. And like with everything, there ought to be a balance. As such, it is important to know when it is time to choose, and when it is time to let go.
The process of decision making inevitably involves analysis and rationalization. The process of letting go is condition free, and, thus, is love-based. To stay in balance, we must learn to employ both, choosing the best strategy for each moment.
Let's face it: we cannot always be in control, neither we have to. Illustrations? How about a novel Sophie's Choice by William Styron for the first case, and the myth of Psyche for the latter?
I am not going into any analysis here, but offering you to look at those stories and see for yourself. Your take on some aspects could be surprisingly different from what it was last time you pondered it. Consider where one's wish to control every thing in life can bring one to. Look closely at possible results of blindly following someone's advice, even though - and especially - when that someone is a part of your close surroundings. And be merely nice to yourself: do not play Gestapo to the person you are. How? By letting go.
When you let go of your past (the memories) and future (the wishes and wantings) as well as opinions and appearances, you accept your being unconditionally and bring peace to your thoughts. You begin to live in a moment and love from your heart, and suddenly the harmony and beauty of the world becomes apparent. And in the very center of all that beauty standing there is You, the true You, who needs nothing from the outside to be happy in that moment.
You see, You are the key to your freedom: freedom to love unconditionally, to live fully, to let go of any decisions and fears, to create passionately, and to see the beauty of All That Is in everything. That is our World the way we once chose to experience it. There is no need to choose again and again, simply trust.
With much love,
ME
P.S. You are welcome to write to me to tatyana[at]lifeimprovised[dot]com with any questions you might have, and I'll do my best to address them. I can reflect for you where you are in your life at the moment; I will not however tell you what does your future have in stocks for you (pun intended).
We've been talking about choices a lot lately. And like with everything, there ought to be a balance. As such, it is important to know when it is time to choose, and when it is time to let go.
The process of decision making inevitably involves analysis and rationalization. The process of letting go is condition free, and, thus, is love-based. To stay in balance, we must learn to employ both, choosing the best strategy for each moment.
Let's face it: we cannot always be in control, neither we have to. Illustrations? How about a novel Sophie's Choice by William Styron for the first case, and the myth of Psyche for the latter?
I am not going into any analysis here, but offering you to look at those stories and see for yourself. Your take on some aspects could be surprisingly different from what it was last time you pondered it. Consider where one's wish to control every thing in life can bring one to. Look closely at possible results of blindly following someone's advice, even though - and especially - when that someone is a part of your close surroundings. And be merely nice to yourself: do not play Gestapo to the person you are. How? By letting go.
When you let go of your past (the memories) and future (the wishes and wantings) as well as opinions and appearances, you accept your being unconditionally and bring peace to your thoughts. You begin to live in a moment and love from your heart, and suddenly the harmony and beauty of the world becomes apparent. And in the very center of all that beauty standing there is You, the true You, who needs nothing from the outside to be happy in that moment.
You see, You are the key to your freedom: freedom to love unconditionally, to live fully, to let go of any decisions and fears, to create passionately, and to see the beauty of All That Is in everything. That is our World the way we once chose to experience it. There is no need to choose again and again, simply trust.
With much love,
ME
P.S. You are welcome to write to me to tatyana[at]lifeimprovised[dot]com with any questions you might have, and I'll do my best to address them. I can reflect for you where you are in your life at the moment; I will not however tell you what does your future have in stocks for you (pun intended).
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
When Public and Private Merge
The Internet finally works today. The signal is intermittent; nevertheless the lines of communications are opening. And after several days of being at stall with the publishing, I do not know where to begin with the accumulated amount of information.
Finally, I find “the best” solution: I start to read my emails.
Among forwarded messages that I usually delete without reading, my attention is drawn to an article by Dina Rubina for Independent Newspaper. I immediately liked her style: terse and logical. The subject she was talking about was not new, yet it struck me as today's reality for every one, whether we can hear the sounds of war from our homes and offices, or not.
The article was in Russian, and so my original post is in Russian as well. What you are reading now is a story I am retelling in English. I usually use only the language the ideas originally come in, but today I felt it is important to share with all. The English version of the article will be but a sketch, but I might add more details later.
Dina Rubina starts by posing a question of what is of highest importance for a writer, a field in which she herself has some 20 years of experience. In her words, besides writing skills, one needs to have common sense and good imagination. She also says that she applies that to everyday life as well. And I am with her on that.
Then, the author offers us to use the above mentioned imagination to see a picture of you living in Moscow (that I guess is where she is from originally, and that is where I am from as well) under the fire, 24/7, for eight years. She lists possible targets that are being hit, including famous historical places, schools, and nursing homes. With a few more details added for your imagination to work more effectively, she adds once again:
For eight years…
She proceeds then with a question: “Can you imagine that? No?”
“And no one can. Unless you live in Israel, and that is your everyday reality.”
…Work in progress…
Finally, I find “the best” solution: I start to read my emails.
Among forwarded messages that I usually delete without reading, my attention is drawn to an article by Dina Rubina for Independent Newspaper. I immediately liked her style: terse and logical. The subject she was talking about was not new, yet it struck me as today's reality for every one, whether we can hear the sounds of war from our homes and offices, or not.
The article was in Russian, and so my original post is in Russian as well. What you are reading now is a story I am retelling in English. I usually use only the language the ideas originally come in, but today I felt it is important to share with all. The English version of the article will be but a sketch, but I might add more details later.
Dina Rubina starts by posing a question of what is of highest importance for a writer, a field in which she herself has some 20 years of experience. In her words, besides writing skills, one needs to have common sense and good imagination. She also says that she applies that to everyday life as well. And I am with her on that.
Then, the author offers us to use the above mentioned imagination to see a picture of you living in Moscow (that I guess is where she is from originally, and that is where I am from as well) under the fire, 24/7, for eight years. She lists possible targets that are being hit, including famous historical places, schools, and nursing homes. With a few more details added for your imagination to work more effectively, she adds once again:
For eight years…
She proceeds then with a question: “Can you imagine that? No?”
“And no one can. Unless you live in Israel, and that is your everyday reality.”
…Work in progress…
Когда "Из газет" = "Из жизни"
Сегодня интернет работает. После нескольких дней вынужденного саботажа накопленная информация толпится в нетерпении ожидая своей очереди.
В этой ситуации я не нахожу ничего лучшего чем забыть своё амплуа "ч-ча не читатель, ч-ча - писатель" и погрузиться в накопленное за несколько дней почтовым ящиком.
Там, среди прочей я-это-удаляю-не-читая почты, обнаруживаю материал, написанный Диной Рубиной для "Независимой Газеты". В стиле, близком мне по духу, она пишет о текущей войне, т.е., о реальности сегодняшнего дня на Земле для Каждого - даже если не все слышат отголоски взрывов из своего дома или офиса.
Я приглашаю вас прочитать написанное Диной Рубиной, и оставлю свое слово напоследок.
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By Dina Rubina:
У меня профессия такая: я книги пишу. Причем, давно этим занимаюсь. Как говорит моя мама: «собаку на этом съела и вторую доедаю». Рука набита. Главное в моей профессии – что? – (помимо литературных качеств, конечно): здравый смысл и хорошее воображение. Герой сделал то-то и то-то, а другого сделать не мог по логике событий – иначе тебе ни за что не поверит читатель, и грош цена твоим сочинениям.
Я и в жизни этот метод применяю к любой ситуации: первое - здравый смысл, второе -хорошее воображение.
Предлагаю вообразить, что восемь лет круглосуточно со стороны какой либо окраины по Москве лупят снарядами весьма густо: то крышу ГУМА проломят, то Крымский мост раздолбают, то в детский сад попадут, или вот, как на днях – по дому престарелых жахнут. Жертвы, само собой, мирные жители: люди гибнут, школьники учатся в бомбоубежищах, предприятия несут тотальные убытки, попеременный вой воздушной тревоги и так далее.
Повторяю: восемь лет.
Чего хотят те, кто наводит ракеты? А вот чего: шоб вы все сдохли!
Ну, как? Получается вообразить? Никак не получается, верно? И ни у кого не получится. Кроме израильтян. Потому, как это наша реальность, причем, со дня основания государства.
Это как в том мультике: «Леопольд, подлый трус, выходи!». И время от времени – выходит. Потому как больше терпеть ну никак невозможно.
Помнится, у нас в школе учился такой матерый третьегодник. Ленивый и очень симпатичный. Год был – 67-й, закончилась «Шестидневная война» Израиля, и на уроках политинформации только и слышно было об «израильской военщине».
И вот вызывают нашего нерадивого Шуру к доске, чтобы он повторил – что про агрессора сейчас рассказывали. Он тяжело поднимается из-за явно малой ему парты, подваливает вразвалочку к большущей карте и пристально на нее смотрит – возможно, впервые.
Наконец прикладывает ладонь к одиозным очертаниям крошечной страны на карте и смотрит изумленно:
- Эт что – вот это - ИзраИль? А вот это все вокруг – и руками далеко развел, вширь, и вверх – эт все - арабы?! Да вы что мозги мне парите? Эт кто агрессор-то?
У нашего третьегодника все было в порядке со здравым смыслом. И с воображением.
Чего нельзя сказать о мировом общественном мнении, о лидерах европейских стран и об изолгавшейся и бесстыдно лоббирующей ХАМАС Организации Объединенных наций.
Мой друг, военный человек, чин которого назвать я не могу, говорит: «Ты вообразить себе не можешь глубину и разветвленность этих туннелей с бункерами под каждым домом. Весь сектор Газа - это подземный город, который долго и тщательно могучая террористическая организация готовила к изнурительной войне. А еще – они замечательно подготовились к войне информационной. А вот мы о ней забываем».
Мне говорят: но ведь гибнет мирное население. Увы, конечно гибнет; оно, к сожалению, всегда гибнет во время боевых действий. Не в таких масштабах, о которых кричат наглые и лживые арабские СМИ, но все же, гибнет. Даже если, согласно точнейшим данным одной из лучших разведок в мире, ВВС и артиллерия бьют точечными наводками, ликвидируя боевиков и военные цели; даже если армия – единственная армия в мире – перед атакой разбрасывает листовки с предупреждением мирного населения, и даже звонит на мобильники! Все равно гибнет, к сожалению, мирное население, - ведь идет война на уничтожение профессиональной, отлично обученной и хорошо вооруженной террористической армии, у идеологов которой нет ни малейших сантиментов к собственным соплеменникам и так называемым «мирным жителям». Этих мирных жителей (если, они, конечно, существуют на территории, где ХАМАС был избран подавляющим большинством го лосов, где в колоннах будущих шахидов увлеченно и яростно маршируют десятки тысяч подростков, вскинув руки в известном приветствии, где матери самоубийц го ворят прямо в объектив телекамеры, что они мечтают о такой же судьбе для всех своих сыновей, а телевидение изо дня в день пичкает малышей экстрактом ядовитой ненависти) – так вот, этих мирных жителей боевики используют для прикрытия своих складов оружия и огневых точек, из которых, между прочим, и сейчас бесперебойно палят по трети территории Израиля. Палят даже на время так называемых гуманитарных коридоров, когда Израиль прекращает боевые действия и пропускает десятки грузовиков с продовольствием и медикаментами. А во время войны – не будем лицемерами, господа, - во время войны задача армии подавить огневую точку врага. Причем, какого врага – того, кто огневые свои точки располагает на крыше детских садов, школ, больниц, в глубине густых жилых застроек, и передвигается по улице с чужим мла денцем на руках, отобранным у первой встречной женщины. Такого врага, который не гнушается принять смерть – после предупреждения! – прямо на крыше своего дома, подняв туда вместе с собой четырех своих жен и девятерых детей.
Такого врага надо истребить, чтобы не дать миру одичать окончательно. Оставлять его и дальше вербовать и обучать террору подростков, пытать страшными пытками пленных и тех, кто подозревается в коллаборационизме, грабить своих же мирных жителей, отнимая у них ту самую гуманитарную помощь…- такого врага щадить аморально и безответственно.
Я пытаюсь себе представить антивоенные демонстрации во время бомбежки Берлина, где тоже гибло много мирных жителей. Во время бомбежек – не сектора Газа, - а одного из прекраснейших городов мира – Дрездена, (населенного действительно мирными жителями, истощенными голодом и смертью, и, в отличие от жителей сектора Газа, не получающими гуманитарную помощь отовсюду, откуда только возможно, в том числе и от Израиля)…Кто бы и где собрал в то время на подобную демонстрацию хотя бы дюжину сумасшедших? Потому что было понятно: гадину надо задавить в ее норе. Иначе она отлежится, оправится, и снова начнет свой поход.
Проснувшись, как обычно, в 5 утра, я тороплюсь включить компьютер: ну вот, ООН издала очередную декларацию о немедленном прекращении военных действий и начале переговоров о перемирии. При этом (конфуз вполне в духе ООН) в документе ни разу не упомянут ХАМАС. Очевидно, его не существует в природе. Спрашивается – с кем Израиль должен разговаривать? И кто восемь лет бомбил его действительно мирные города? И отчего бы не поговорить титанам западного мира с Усамой, например, Бен-Ладеном? Скорее всего, от того, что подобные «разговоры-разговоры» бессмысленны, и это понятно любому, кому еще не изменили все те же качества: здравый смысл и наличие воображения.
Сейчас многие издания цитируют известное высказывание Голды Меир: «Мир между нами и арабами наступит тогда, когда они научатся своих детей любить больше, чем ненавидеть наших».
Пока не научились.
Дина Рубина
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Сказано хорошо, согласна. Но только местами. Что мы предлагаем другим - в том числе и своим детям - отражая ненависть "врага"? Больше того, знает ли наше сердце, что такое эта самая "ненависть"? Ответ, как всегда, в самом вопросе.
Любая негативная эмоция - как бы сильна и захватывающа она ни была - суть отсутствие любви. И если мы хотим, чтобы другие любили своих детей, то единственный способ - это показать пример, пример безусловной любви.
"Безусловная любовь выглядит как безразличие", - говорит эзотерика.
Понять это можно лишь приняв сердцем. Голова не поможет, увы.
Закончить войну - как вышеупомянутую, так и все остальные на земле - можно только приняв всех своим сердцем, безусловно. Потому что каждый исполняет свою роль в глобальном спектакле жизни - как бы это ни выглядело со стороны.
И я сейчас похожа на маленькое государство с одиозными контурами, которое впервые в истории заявило о своих правах - о своем желании жить в согласии со своим сердцем, без компромиссов. Впервые в истории.
Да, у меня есть поддержка друзей. И да, запас снарядов, приготовленных для меня, немал. К сожалению, они, эти самые снаряды, попадают с завидной регулярностью по моим детям. Надо ли добавлять, что мне предлагается взять на себя ответственность за последствия.
А как насчёт полюбить своих детей и остановить военные действия? Ведь история показывает, что несмотря ни на что в Израиле растут апельсины и рождаются дети. Будут ли их любить безусловно, или готовить на всякий случай к смерти в перестрелке?
Это зависит от каждого из нас. Потому что Сердце у Земли одно на всех. Откройте свое - и вы узнаете сколько любви на самом деле живет в вас.
Позвольте себе жить в сердце каждое мгновение, потому что сегодня нашей планеты - так же как и мое сегодня - строится вашим сердцем.
С любовью и благодарностью из Сердца,
Таня
В этой ситуации я не нахожу ничего лучшего чем забыть своё амплуа "ч-ча не читатель, ч-ча - писатель" и погрузиться в накопленное за несколько дней почтовым ящиком.
Там, среди прочей я-это-удаляю-не-читая почты, обнаруживаю материал, написанный Диной Рубиной для "Независимой Газеты". В стиле, близком мне по духу, она пишет о текущей войне, т.е., о реальности сегодняшнего дня на Земле для Каждого - даже если не все слышат отголоски взрывов из своего дома или офиса.
Я приглашаю вас прочитать написанное Диной Рубиной, и оставлю свое слово напоследок.
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By Dina Rubina:
У меня профессия такая: я книги пишу. Причем, давно этим занимаюсь. Как говорит моя мама: «собаку на этом съела и вторую доедаю». Рука набита. Главное в моей профессии – что? – (помимо литературных качеств, конечно): здравый смысл и хорошее воображение. Герой сделал то-то и то-то, а другого сделать не мог по логике событий – иначе тебе ни за что не поверит читатель, и грош цена твоим сочинениям.
Я и в жизни этот метод применяю к любой ситуации: первое - здравый смысл, второе -хорошее воображение.
Предлагаю вообразить, что восемь лет круглосуточно со стороны какой либо окраины по Москве лупят снарядами весьма густо: то крышу ГУМА проломят, то Крымский мост раздолбают, то в детский сад попадут, или вот, как на днях – по дому престарелых жахнут. Жертвы, само собой, мирные жители: люди гибнут, школьники учатся в бомбоубежищах, предприятия несут тотальные убытки, попеременный вой воздушной тревоги и так далее.
Повторяю: восемь лет.
Чего хотят те, кто наводит ракеты? А вот чего: шоб вы все сдохли!
Ну, как? Получается вообразить? Никак не получается, верно? И ни у кого не получится. Кроме израильтян. Потому, как это наша реальность, причем, со дня основания государства.
Это как в том мультике: «Леопольд, подлый трус, выходи!». И время от времени – выходит. Потому как больше терпеть ну никак невозможно.
Помнится, у нас в школе учился такой матерый третьегодник. Ленивый и очень симпатичный. Год был – 67-й, закончилась «Шестидневная война» Израиля, и на уроках политинформации только и слышно было об «израильской военщине».
И вот вызывают нашего нерадивого Шуру к доске, чтобы он повторил – что про агрессора сейчас рассказывали. Он тяжело поднимается из-за явно малой ему парты, подваливает вразвалочку к большущей карте и пристально на нее смотрит – возможно, впервые.
Наконец прикладывает ладонь к одиозным очертаниям крошечной страны на карте и смотрит изумленно:
- Эт что – вот это - ИзраИль? А вот это все вокруг – и руками далеко развел, вширь, и вверх – эт все - арабы?! Да вы что мозги мне парите? Эт кто агрессор-то?
У нашего третьегодника все было в порядке со здравым смыслом. И с воображением.
Чего нельзя сказать о мировом общественном мнении, о лидерах европейских стран и об изолгавшейся и бесстыдно лоббирующей ХАМАС Организации Объединенных наций.
Мой друг, военный человек, чин которого назвать я не могу, говорит: «Ты вообразить себе не можешь глубину и разветвленность этих туннелей с бункерами под каждым домом. Весь сектор Газа - это подземный город, который долго и тщательно могучая террористическая организация готовила к изнурительной войне. А еще – они замечательно подготовились к войне информационной. А вот мы о ней забываем».
Мне говорят: но ведь гибнет мирное население. Увы, конечно гибнет; оно, к сожалению, всегда гибнет во время боевых действий. Не в таких масштабах, о которых кричат наглые и лживые арабские СМИ, но все же, гибнет. Даже если, согласно точнейшим данным одной из лучших разведок в мире, ВВС и артиллерия бьют точечными наводками, ликвидируя боевиков и военные цели; даже если армия – единственная армия в мире – перед атакой разбрасывает листовки с предупреждением мирного населения, и даже звонит на мобильники! Все равно гибнет, к сожалению, мирное население, - ведь идет война на уничтожение профессиональной, отлично обученной и хорошо вооруженной террористической армии, у идеологов которой нет ни малейших сантиментов к собственным соплеменникам и так называемым «мирным жителям». Этих мирных жителей (если, они, конечно, существуют на территории, где ХАМАС был избран подавляющим большинством го лосов, где в колоннах будущих шахидов увлеченно и яростно маршируют десятки тысяч подростков, вскинув руки в известном приветствии, где матери самоубийц го ворят прямо в объектив телекамеры, что они мечтают о такой же судьбе для всех своих сыновей, а телевидение изо дня в день пичкает малышей экстрактом ядовитой ненависти) – так вот, этих мирных жителей боевики используют для прикрытия своих складов оружия и огневых точек, из которых, между прочим, и сейчас бесперебойно палят по трети территории Израиля. Палят даже на время так называемых гуманитарных коридоров, когда Израиль прекращает боевые действия и пропускает десятки грузовиков с продовольствием и медикаментами. А во время войны – не будем лицемерами, господа, - во время войны задача армии подавить огневую точку врага. Причем, какого врага – того, кто огневые свои точки располагает на крыше детских садов, школ, больниц, в глубине густых жилых застроек, и передвигается по улице с чужим мла денцем на руках, отобранным у первой встречной женщины. Такого врага, который не гнушается принять смерть – после предупреждения! – прямо на крыше своего дома, подняв туда вместе с собой четырех своих жен и девятерых детей.
Такого врага надо истребить, чтобы не дать миру одичать окончательно. Оставлять его и дальше вербовать и обучать террору подростков, пытать страшными пытками пленных и тех, кто подозревается в коллаборационизме, грабить своих же мирных жителей, отнимая у них ту самую гуманитарную помощь…- такого врага щадить аморально и безответственно.
Я пытаюсь себе представить антивоенные демонстрации во время бомбежки Берлина, где тоже гибло много мирных жителей. Во время бомбежек – не сектора Газа, - а одного из прекраснейших городов мира – Дрездена, (населенного действительно мирными жителями, истощенными голодом и смертью, и, в отличие от жителей сектора Газа, не получающими гуманитарную помощь отовсюду, откуда только возможно, в том числе и от Израиля)…Кто бы и где собрал в то время на подобную демонстрацию хотя бы дюжину сумасшедших? Потому что было понятно: гадину надо задавить в ее норе. Иначе она отлежится, оправится, и снова начнет свой поход.
Проснувшись, как обычно, в 5 утра, я тороплюсь включить компьютер: ну вот, ООН издала очередную декларацию о немедленном прекращении военных действий и начале переговоров о перемирии. При этом (конфуз вполне в духе ООН) в документе ни разу не упомянут ХАМАС. Очевидно, его не существует в природе. Спрашивается – с кем Израиль должен разговаривать? И кто восемь лет бомбил его действительно мирные города? И отчего бы не поговорить титанам западного мира с Усамой, например, Бен-Ладеном? Скорее всего, от того, что подобные «разговоры-разговоры» бессмысленны, и это понятно любому, кому еще не изменили все те же качества: здравый смысл и наличие воображения.
Сейчас многие издания цитируют известное высказывание Голды Меир: «Мир между нами и арабами наступит тогда, когда они научатся своих детей любить больше, чем ненавидеть наших».
Пока не научились.
Дина Рубина
------------------------
Сказано хорошо, согласна. Но только местами. Что мы предлагаем другим - в том числе и своим детям - отражая ненависть "врага"? Больше того, знает ли наше сердце, что такое эта самая "ненависть"? Ответ, как всегда, в самом вопросе.
Любая негативная эмоция - как бы сильна и захватывающа она ни была - суть отсутствие любви. И если мы хотим, чтобы другие любили своих детей, то единственный способ - это показать пример, пример безусловной любви.
"Безусловная любовь выглядит как безразличие", - говорит эзотерика.
Понять это можно лишь приняв сердцем. Голова не поможет, увы.
Закончить войну - как вышеупомянутую, так и все остальные на земле - можно только приняв всех своим сердцем, безусловно. Потому что каждый исполняет свою роль в глобальном спектакле жизни - как бы это ни выглядело со стороны.
И я сейчас похожа на маленькое государство с одиозными контурами, которое впервые в истории заявило о своих правах - о своем желании жить в согласии со своим сердцем, без компромиссов. Впервые в истории.
Да, у меня есть поддержка друзей. И да, запас снарядов, приготовленных для меня, немал. К сожалению, они, эти самые снаряды, попадают с завидной регулярностью по моим детям. Надо ли добавлять, что мне предлагается взять на себя ответственность за последствия.
А как насчёт полюбить своих детей и остановить военные действия? Ведь история показывает, что несмотря ни на что в Израиле растут апельсины и рождаются дети. Будут ли их любить безусловно, или готовить на всякий случай к смерти в перестрелке?
Это зависит от каждого из нас. Потому что Сердце у Земли одно на всех. Откройте свое - и вы узнаете сколько любви на самом деле живет в вас.
Позвольте себе жить в сердце каждое мгновение, потому что сегодня нашей планеты - так же как и мое сегодня - строится вашим сердцем.
С любовью и благодарностью из Сердца,
Таня
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Choice is Yours
Let’s get is straight: I am a visionary; I can see things, and I can change things. And so can you – if only you choose. I choose to share some information with you today. Now the choice is yours: to read it, or to spit on it.
Terms of use: By continuing on with this reading you are choosing to irreversibly alter your life by accepting the fact that absolutely every thing that happens in your life is by your choice. I must assume no responsibility for the consequences of your choices. I have mine for that matter. Your acknowledgement of your own power is required in order to move on.
* * *
March 6, 2009
It’s been raining hard on the Island this morning. Living has been very hard on my heart lately. I see too much, and it is hard for me to let go. I want to fix everything for everyone still. As a result, I feel exhausted again. How much longer am I going to walk in circles? This is precisely the reason for today’s warning: I am letting go of my responsibilities as mother to everyone - with the exception of my children, of course - completely as of today. And so it is.
It took me the longest time to realize who I am and what I am doing here, you see. But once you are willing to see a role you are playing, you are free from the script! You are free to improvise within that role, as well as to choose a completely different one. The choice is yours.
Yet, when I read my writings of the past year (several notebooks I apparently filled) it is all there. All I needed to know to accept who I truly am beyond any roles society imposed upon me was there, in clear words. It took me a conscious choice to accept it, step by step. So, I have enough information for you to see, but you are to choose. Plainly put, there is no one to stop you shall you choose to crush into a wall, or to live happily ever after. Enjoy your choice.
With much love from the Heart,
Tatyana
Terms of use: By continuing on with this reading you are choosing to irreversibly alter your life by accepting the fact that absolutely every thing that happens in your life is by your choice. I must assume no responsibility for the consequences of your choices. I have mine for that matter. Your acknowledgement of your own power is required in order to move on.
* * *
March 6, 2009
It’s been raining hard on the Island this morning. Living has been very hard on my heart lately. I see too much, and it is hard for me to let go. I want to fix everything for everyone still. As a result, I feel exhausted again. How much longer am I going to walk in circles? This is precisely the reason for today’s warning: I am letting go of my responsibilities as mother to everyone - with the exception of my children, of course - completely as of today. And so it is.
It took me the longest time to realize who I am and what I am doing here, you see. But once you are willing to see a role you are playing, you are free from the script! You are free to improvise within that role, as well as to choose a completely different one. The choice is yours.
Yet, when I read my writings of the past year (several notebooks I apparently filled) it is all there. All I needed to know to accept who I truly am beyond any roles society imposed upon me was there, in clear words. It took me a conscious choice to accept it, step by step. So, I have enough information for you to see, but you are to choose. Plainly put, there is no one to stop you shall you choose to crush into a wall, or to live happily ever after. Enjoy your choice.
With much love from the Heart,
Tatyana
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Choosing from The Heart
We can either talk, or listen. I’ve been listening a lot lately; hence, no writing. I’ve been also living fully - like never before. By contrast, we learn. By choices, we live.
I had been a very busy woman for a long time. Too long, perhaps, for the car crash one year ago caught me at the lowest level of life energy I’d ever had. I was exhausted beyond measure.
It looked fine on the outside though: brilliant carreer, doctoral dissertation defense within reach, good start in marketing business, impressive martial arts accomplishments, beautiful house in a desirable area, great kids, prominent husband, good friends, multiple hobbies: skiing, rollerblading, music, art, reading… I actually did fit ALL of it not only in to my life, but in its every day. How did I do that? That is not the question. Look where it led me to, and look closely.
I am immortal. But it had not become my reality until I assumed the truth.
I was very confused after the accident. I could remember headlights of two cars racing each other appearing before my eyes out of nowhere. It was an instant death. I saw the roof of our family minivan and those cars driving away, dissolving. All I noticed, that a license plate on one of them was out of state. I remembered the letters and numbers.
And yet, my memory did not conform to the post-accident reality at all.
I was alive after all, and the kids were perfectly fine.
The car was totaled, all right. However, it was not my side but the passenger’s side that was completely crashed: squashed in. Yet, my husband who sat there was perfectly fine. Waking up from a deep sleep of a man who certainly deserved a drink after a week of hard work, he could not understand why in the world our airbags were out. He only had one scratch. It appeared on the left side of his left leg… I could not solve the puzzle.
Other pieces included my symptoms of a severe concussion, with which I spent in bed almost a month. It took almost a year though to let go of debilitating headaches. And it was not about time after all. The pain never fails to return when I am back to where I was mind wise before. It takes conscious choices now to stay centered within to be well. But back then…
Last but not least, there was nothing there the car hit. There was a tree with a small part of its bark missing, shaved off by the moving car. And that was all. The right front wheel was knocked off after hitting a side curb, and standing perpendicular to the road with both back wheels still on it, there we were when police arrived two minutes later. It was four on a Sunday morning.
In all its weirdness, the event screamed at me that there is something to understand. Though it took me months, I finally realized that I had to consciously choose my immortality to live.
And that is what I do now.
To those used to my unbelievable productivity driven by a never-at-rest sense of responsibility it looks strange, to say the least. What is it that she does nowadays? Ought to be bored!
Now, when I have your attention, listen: life is not what others think suits you best. What’s new? New to me is that I actually live it. And it is not boring at all.
Every day something new happens – just as I am thinking nothing more interesting than has already happened could be…
February 26, 2009
Curaçao, Day 2
I cannot believe how much one can fit in just one day. I was awakened at six in a morning by a thud: something dropped on the floor.
“I need to start writing!” I realized. There is so much in a day that it needs to be put on paper before I am too far from it.
Layers and layers of new things are coming to my life as I shed old beliefs and habits, one by one. At the same time, it is happening so fast that I can easily see how accomplishments of just one day can take ages to occur in one’s life. And I know that the main reason for that is that the planet is truly different now: It is enlightened with true love, the True Love of Gods.
You ask me how I am going to entitle my book. I need not to think about it, for I trust perfect words would come in perfect time.
I have no voice today. So, all I can do to produce words is to use a pen. But I have so much to say about where I am today because of a journey I undertook yesterday. The only question is: Where to start?
Pretentious... Have you noticed how pretentious our world has become? No, not by itself, of course, but with a lot of help of ours. I did not realize to what extend until I started to shed it step by step, layer by layer. The results are astonishing indeed. As I clear my own space, the world is changing so rapidly and beautifully that I know just what to do next at every moment. That is called trust, and all it takes is to stay true to one self at every moment.
All it takes…
I have been working with trust big time yesterday. It is rather interesting since I’ve been working with it closely for the past few months. I thought I am nearly done; I am in complete trust with self, nothing left to clear. Ha!
So, where do I start? I started with a shower. And there it was, in perfect words:
My Life: A Love Story
It often takes me a shower to take to find perfect words… And so, another day of my life – and the writing of my story – has begun.
The moment I put that period on paper, the rising sun touched it too. I am sitting outside, with the birds flapping their wings in the garden, and my heart is flapping its wings in appreciation of the harmony and beauty of the perfection of the world I live in.
* * *
What’s next? I do not know. All I know today that I am here to stay; I made my choice a year ago.
I am to stay true to my self; I am to stay in my heart; I am to choose from The Heart.
It is Curaçao that opened the book of my life. In Curaçao, I am staying.
I had been a very busy woman for a long time. Too long, perhaps, for the car crash one year ago caught me at the lowest level of life energy I’d ever had. I was exhausted beyond measure.
It looked fine on the outside though: brilliant carreer, doctoral dissertation defense within reach, good start in marketing business, impressive martial arts accomplishments, beautiful house in a desirable area, great kids, prominent husband, good friends, multiple hobbies: skiing, rollerblading, music, art, reading… I actually did fit ALL of it not only in to my life, but in its every day. How did I do that? That is not the question. Look where it led me to, and look closely.
I am immortal. But it had not become my reality until I assumed the truth.
I was very confused after the accident. I could remember headlights of two cars racing each other appearing before my eyes out of nowhere. It was an instant death. I saw the roof of our family minivan and those cars driving away, dissolving. All I noticed, that a license plate on one of them was out of state. I remembered the letters and numbers.
And yet, my memory did not conform to the post-accident reality at all.
I was alive after all, and the kids were perfectly fine.
The car was totaled, all right. However, it was not my side but the passenger’s side that was completely crashed: squashed in. Yet, my husband who sat there was perfectly fine. Waking up from a deep sleep of a man who certainly deserved a drink after a week of hard work, he could not understand why in the world our airbags were out. He only had one scratch. It appeared on the left side of his left leg… I could not solve the puzzle.
Other pieces included my symptoms of a severe concussion, with which I spent in bed almost a month. It took almost a year though to let go of debilitating headaches. And it was not about time after all. The pain never fails to return when I am back to where I was mind wise before. It takes conscious choices now to stay centered within to be well. But back then…
Last but not least, there was nothing there the car hit. There was a tree with a small part of its bark missing, shaved off by the moving car. And that was all. The right front wheel was knocked off after hitting a side curb, and standing perpendicular to the road with both back wheels still on it, there we were when police arrived two minutes later. It was four on a Sunday morning.
In all its weirdness, the event screamed at me that there is something to understand. Though it took me months, I finally realized that I had to consciously choose my immortality to live.
And that is what I do now.
To those used to my unbelievable productivity driven by a never-at-rest sense of responsibility it looks strange, to say the least. What is it that she does nowadays? Ought to be bored!
Now, when I have your attention, listen: life is not what others think suits you best. What’s new? New to me is that I actually live it. And it is not boring at all.
Every day something new happens – just as I am thinking nothing more interesting than has already happened could be…
February 26, 2009
Curaçao, Day 2
I cannot believe how much one can fit in just one day. I was awakened at six in a morning by a thud: something dropped on the floor.
“I need to start writing!” I realized. There is so much in a day that it needs to be put on paper before I am too far from it.
Layers and layers of new things are coming to my life as I shed old beliefs and habits, one by one. At the same time, it is happening so fast that I can easily see how accomplishments of just one day can take ages to occur in one’s life. And I know that the main reason for that is that the planet is truly different now: It is enlightened with true love, the True Love of Gods.
You ask me how I am going to entitle my book. I need not to think about it, for I trust perfect words would come in perfect time.
I have no voice today. So, all I can do to produce words is to use a pen. But I have so much to say about where I am today because of a journey I undertook yesterday. The only question is: Where to start?
Pretentious... Have you noticed how pretentious our world has become? No, not by itself, of course, but with a lot of help of ours. I did not realize to what extend until I started to shed it step by step, layer by layer. The results are astonishing indeed. As I clear my own space, the world is changing so rapidly and beautifully that I know just what to do next at every moment. That is called trust, and all it takes is to stay true to one self at every moment.
All it takes…
I have been working with trust big time yesterday. It is rather interesting since I’ve been working with it closely for the past few months. I thought I am nearly done; I am in complete trust with self, nothing left to clear. Ha!
So, where do I start? I started with a shower. And there it was, in perfect words:
My Life: A Love Story
It often takes me a shower to take to find perfect words… And so, another day of my life – and the writing of my story – has begun.
The moment I put that period on paper, the rising sun touched it too. I am sitting outside, with the birds flapping their wings in the garden, and my heart is flapping its wings in appreciation of the harmony and beauty of the perfection of the world I live in.
* * *
What’s next? I do not know. All I know today that I am here to stay; I made my choice a year ago.
I am to stay true to my self; I am to stay in my heart; I am to choose from The Heart.
It is Curaçao that opened the book of my life. In Curaçao, I am staying.
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