In every adversity there is an opportunity, I remind myself. As such, lack of voice makes me realize how important it is to have a voice of my own, to choose to sing my own song in the most harmonious for me and my life way.
Choices... This morning was one powerful example.
As my host was getting ready to take his son to school, I started to see pictures in my mind that made me realize that I actually live in a reality I had seen many years ago. A bird outside of the bathroom window in a torn bush reminded me about a book I read back in high school.
While reading it, there was a picture in my mind of me living on an island by the water of breathtaking turquoise, writing a book with an accompaniment of the waves washing pieces of white corals ashore. At that point I did not know the difference between fantasy, daydreaming, and envisioning a possible reality. But the image – and the feeling that it is ME there in the picture – was so strong that it stayed with me all these years.
It took me a moment to see that I am living that reality today. It was not déjà vu, but a clear realization of living a potential. The fact that I found a house fitting that picture on the first day on the island was no small piece of the puzzle. To be precise, I have to say that it was the house that found ME. It was calling like an abandoned child.
Its voice took me far into the ocean that day. I kept swimming not feeling tired being pooled by something I felt I would see beyond a cliff on my right. Being told that there is nothing there, I knew otherwise.
I swam until a beautiful view had opened with a distant beach, a few houses, and a hill in a background. I asked what it was and whether we can get there by car.
It took me long time to swim back to the shore: I did not realize how far I went following that voice. And it took us rather long time to drive to the place I saw from the water. But we finally reached it.
And there it was: the house from my vision. I did not recognize it at first as the one, for it was still under construction; yet, it appeared to be old. We were told later that it was standing like that, unfinished, for nearly ten years! No one lived in it. No one needed it. No one cared for it.
I could not resist its calling for a caring soul: I had to adopt it. Long story make short, I found the owner. We agreed to meet, but I still do not know how to tell him that the house asked me to take care of it, to heal it. Will he understand?
But let me step back to this morning’s realization that I live my vision already. More recent visions came to view. Right away, I saw a potential of this morning. Thoughts started to race in my head: I saw the host taking his son to school, and not returning back. It is always a personal choice, and as such it is always to be respected. But we are humans, and it is still hard to accept it when you know that even though his first daughter had grown, he still has so much to give as a father. And many regard him so much as a friend.
What do I do? By now I have realized and accepted that I sometimes stay at people’s places against my plans to either save their lives or to help to bring their children to them. It took me years and many instances to accept it, but once I did I felt only gratitude for what we can do if we choose to stay in our power. Then it comes effortlessly.
I was yet to figure out how to do it this time. I gave a warning of some sort, and the car left. There will be a split moment to choose whether to stay. A long-lived habit of mine to protect and heal everything and everyone around was about to step forward. Yet, I knew it is a matter of personal choice, and I cannot hold anyone to this life if they choose otherwise. I’ve been there just recently myself. And it is my free choice that brought me to where I am now.
I let go.
